Scenario Store News

Scenario Store News is a podcast resurrected from YouTube and now brought on a weekly basis straight to your ears through an audio device near you! Wherein you shall find Julianna and Keerstan, two cat-loving nerd girls with passionate opinions they're looking to share with the world!

THIS PODCAST CONTAINS HARSH LANGUAGE AND MATURE THEMES, LISTENER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Black Emporium News Episode 19: Literary Theft

This month Keerstan and Julianna bring on the wonderful Morgan and Nicole to think up and laugh about crossover AUs!

Episode 160: Lazy

It's been a long and feelsy day, but Pornhub is the ultimate in Chaotic Good, our political climate is as asdfghjkl; as ever, and we have to admit that we actually are kind of curious about to escape the Matrix.

Episode 159: #NeverTrustASpencer

Marvel gets pounded in the butt by its own not-so-thinly veiled nazi infiltration, Nutella is for eating, fandoms gone wild and speculation everywhere, and the meme to end all memes.

Episode 158: Cato-pleaso!

We're old (oh god, we're so old), but sometimes it really is better to be salty than it is to be happy, don't lick the Nintendo Switch, and don't forget about PIZZA-CATO!

Episode 157: Saltflake

We have good words, the best words. Nobody does words better than we do, pass it on. (Come on now, though, how else can we possibly describe ourselves in this current dumpster fire of a political landscape? Ah well, you know, at least we have Star Wars and Mass Effect and possibly even actual outer space. Also cookies and Depeche Mode and Disney. There are things. We are can breathe a little from time to time.)

Black Emporium News Episode 18: I Like Big Boats, I Cannot Lie

This month Keerstan and Julianna bring on the wonderful Nicole to talk about SHIPS (see what we did there). Not an entirely salt-free episode, as that is probably not a real thing, but we do yet spend most of the time begging the question: Did they curl your toes? Dwarf your beard? Arl your Eamon? Shank your Jory? Praise your Maker? Grope your grinder? Establish your canon? Kaddis your Katie? Dampen your Divine? Pamper your Paragon? Grey your Warden? Pudding your peach? Float your frigate? Explore your Deep Roads?

Episode 156: Cookies

Shia's back, there's Jedi and then there are Jedi, Beyonce's the queen, Sweden happened (or more like it didn't), stuff, things...oh, and what the actual fuck with the cookies?

Episode 155: Shifted

Some restructuring is in order while everything is on fire and yeah, everything is on fire but at least we know what we want done with our ashes?

Episode 154: Dick-dispenser

Life imitates art imitates life? Between news from the Queen, ongoing excitement over upcoming television, scientific marvels, and politics just, you know, happening...add some video game salt and some video game intrigue, some weird emotions about sportsball, and wherever the hell else our feels will take us, and here we are.

Episode 153: Resistance

We could never have imagined that one day we would proudly follow Shia LaBeouf, Teen Vogue, the National Parks, and Merriam-Webster into battle, and yet...

Black Emporium News Episode 17: Mage Rights or Mage Fights

This month Keerstan and Julianna get out their mage rage! Anders was right, Elthina was guilty, the mages deserve freedom, the Chantry made for some beautiful fireworks back there, and BioWare can meet us in the fucking pit!

Episode 151: Hungover

A shorter episode after some birthday shenanigans, covering topics such as dating Idris Elba, Deadpool being Deadpool, and a great deal of quietly suppressed rage.

Episode 150: Grosser-sobbing

Carrie Fisher feels may never end...no, really, this is not okay...we're really upset about Carrie Fisher...also Debbie Reynolds...ow, our hearts... (We do talk about other things, too, though, we swear!)

Episode 149: Gross-sobbing

Ringing in the new year by reflecting on revolution and finding its Patronus, all kinds of fandom pain as usual, and how very fucking much we love Space Mom.

Episode 148: 2016

Earthlings on Fire: a year in review. In reflecting over all its misery and all that has happened, picking out favorite stories, majoring in memes, and Keerstan briefly having to convince Julianna that she didn't actually kill David Bowie...what a year it has been, indeed.

With an extra special dedication to Carrie Fisher, as at the time of recording we believed she was going to make it through. We love you, Space Mom; you know.

Black Emporium News Episode 16: Happy Satinalia!

This month Keerstan and Julianna take another tiny break from the theme to have a fun, fluffy discussion of what we would get all of our precious babies for the holidays!

Episode 147: Browser

Cat pwns human, what the actual fuck is this year continued, fleeting bursts of hope, and the worst/most accurate possible summary of the Handmaid's Tale.

Episode 146: #MillennialProblems

This week the lovely Morgan steps to banter with Julianna about life, fandom, why the other needs to consume Overwatch or Mass Effect, music, fan fiction, and so many feels.

Episode 145: Bode

Life is still pretty terrifying but there are good dictionaries and fun tweets and amazing cereals and THE HOT NEW MEME TREND TO SAVE 2016.

Episode 144: Hole

...It's in America, and in our hearts.

Episode 143: Hamil-win

A road trip of interesting news, obligatory Hamilton discussions, and fandoms and memes and memes and memes...

Black Emporium News Episode 15: Two Varrics and a Hawke

This month Keerstan and Julianna welcome Jakz from Greataxe Gaming to the podcast! Taking a short break from regularly scheduled topics, the three of them discuss such things as favorite weaponry and notable emotional moments throughout the series.

Episode 142: Biden

The election happened, and we are doing our best to deal in the aftermath. Our own baby steps towards revolution aside, there is news abound for fandoms, as well as a metric fuckton of memes starring the White House's greatest bromance.

Episode 141: Nailbiter

This is recorded on Election Night as results still continue to unfold. We are not okay. We are trying very hard to be. So this week, happy things and happy thoughts lie herein, or at least to the best of our abilities.

Episode 140: Vote!

This week's highlights include yogurt, the world's pettiest Burger King, video games, mortal terror, and shoving anyone's "protest vote" straight up their ass.

Black Emporium News Episode 14: My Friend Justice

This month Keerstan and Julianna let the salt flow through them as they profess their love for the Social Justice Spirit Warrior and staunchly reaffirm their positions as part of both the Anders Defense Squad and the Justice Defense Squad (as if there was every any doubt).

Episode 139: Reprieve

It's been a rough time as of late, so--may we present to you, dear listeners, a break. Here is a shorter episode that is comprised of nothing but positivity, because shit's rough and sometimes we all just need to take a moment to fucking breathe.

Episode 138: #MoneyPlease

Somehow the spirit of Mona Lisa Saperstein comes over the podcast as we work to get to through 2016 by any means and all memes necessary.

Episode 137: Blargh

Exploding internets, Wonder Woman's sexuality and gender, and the most delightful ice cream sandwich add some much needed points to 2016.

Episode 136: Patronus

Some sparks of humanity and hope, as well as the obligatory fandom and memes, help to carry us through this month of Tuesdays.

Black Emporium News Episode 13: Why Waste a Perfectly Good Setup?

This month, Keerstan and Julianna head further down into the Anders saga by delving into his relationships with the rest of the Kirkwall Crew and how to fix them, replete with headcanon and ever more invitations for BioWare to meet us in the fucking pit.

Episode 135: Sadgelina

Such strange times we live in...Pittsburghese reaches Oxford, here's your chance to become a Krogan, the ongoing saga of Obama and his ever-disappearing fucks, TEAM JOLIE 5EVER.

Episode 134: #WhenSupernaturalGetsCancelled

...Reality will fucking chill and David Bowie will return in his starship to take us far from this place.

Episode 133: Petitions

Robots, IRL Ron Swanson, fangirl hopes and dreams, and the promise of Taco Truck America all work to ease the blow of truly despicable national priorities.

Episode 132: Cumber-bitch

Cocks, karma, Jason Momoa upon Jason Momoa upon all good things, Beyonce will be Beyonce, Bea Arthur continues to bless us from beyond, and the ever-present question of why the whitest of all white guys gets the roles he does.

Episode 131: #ShinyAndChrome

Customer service robots are relatable on a deep, spiritual level but there are so many feels that are so very real, and we have come a little bit closer to trying to save 2016.

Black Emporium News Episode 12: Some Things Are Worse Than Death

This month Keerstan and Julianna are joined by this show's first ever guest! Welcoming amazing cosplayer and overall fantastic human being Morgan to the podcast, they continue with the Anders feels in talking about his arc throughout Dragon Age II, with just the right amount of screaming one would expect from an ongoing Anders Defense Squad discussion!

Episode 130: Moist

Summer is still not okay but at least you can cover yourself in cats, everything is getting pumpkin spiced, and there are some fantastic people who exist.

Episode 129: Idiot-sandwich

Floral foreboding, extra special nerd adventures, social justice pocket monsters...oh my?

Episode 128: BoJacked

2016 is the weirdest year, the fangirling is strong with this one, things are strange, things are exciting, things are terrible, what even is 2016?!

Episode 127: Slowclap

Comic-Con happened and things are, as usual, every but as terrifying as they can be exciting.

Episode 126: News!

We're back in proper action and there are many feels.

Black Emporium News Episode 11: Healing and Salvation, Why Do You Threaten It?

This month Keerstan and Julianna finally begin what will inevitably be many lengthy discussions of feels on feels on feels about their beautiful revolutionary rebel mage bae, the one and only Anders.

Episode 125: Pokecast

It's late and we're tired but the future is here in this weird fucking year and...we like it.

Episode 124: Stormborn

On this week's very, very special episode, keep your arms and legs inside the emotional roller coaster at all times, and always remember your medieval fantasy church explosion color wheel.

Episode 123: Brainmelt

Summer ruins everything.

Episode 122: Ongoing

Tuesday: now available on Sundays!

Black Emporium News Episode 10: Queen of the Eastern Seas

This month Keerstan and Julianna discuss their glorious pirate bae, the lovely Isabela, and have obligatory emotions about how beautifully dynamic the story doesn't seem to want you to think she is.

Episode 121: #HappyTuesday

It's here all fucking week, apparently...

Episode 120: Generational

While Keerstan is traipsing about Philadelphia with Chris Evans and Tom Hiddleston (yes, really), Megan joins for what turned into a pretty damn amazing Very Special Episode.

Episode 119: Ghost

"The trash of the thing."

- Lin-Manuel Miranda

Episode 118: Humanity

So you want to lick your cat...

Black Emporium News Episode 9: Fasta Vass

This month Keerstan and Julianna talk about their mutual roller coaster of emotions revolving around Fenris and break each other's hearts almost as much as this beautiful broody elf already does himself.

Episode 117: Bae

The apocalypse is hella nigh.

Episode 116: Fi-ge

Just another day in fandom hell in these, the end times...

Episode 115: Geese

What even is the universe.

Episode 114: Better

The very least Tuesday to ever Tuesday.

Episode 113: NaCl

Are you getting enough salt in your diet? No? Well, have we got the show for you!

Black Emporium News Episode 8: Daisy, Lethallan, Ma Vhenan

This month, Keerstan and Julianna discuss Merrill: Dalish pariah cinnamon roll, forever building an eluvian straight to our hearts.

Episode 112: Megan

While Keerstan is day drinking out of giant plastic cups in Las Vegas (yes, really), Megan and Julianna talk about cats, cats, and more cats.

Episode 111: Hella

The internet is an interesting place.

Episode 110: Justice

Batman, politics...there's a mild theme.

Episode 109: Sniffles

At least it isn't Tuesday.

Black Emporium News Episode 7: Copper Marigolds

This month, Keerstan and Julianna get more in-depth than they expected about their problematic fave, the least misfit-y of all the Misfits, fellow Fereldan refugee turned Kirkwall's Guard Captain, Aveline Vallen.

Episode 108: #TrashFacts

Fuck you, that sounds perfectly normal.

Episode 107: Everything

FUCKING EVERYTHING.

Episode 106: Short

This week Julianna and Keerstan set out on a quest to record a shorter episode...and succeed!

Episode 105: Homecoming

Keerstan's back! Keerstan's back! The BroTP is reunited and together they can make it through the rollercoaster of feels this episode entails.

Black Emporium News Episode 6: Helping People and Killing People Are What I'm Best at!

Keerstan and Julianna get into their telling of the Champion.

Episode 104: Nick

Not everyone experiences fandom the same way. Weird.

Episode 103: Leah

While Keerstan is away, special guest Leah Rae comes to join in on all of the feels and memes!

Episode 102: BroTP

Nihilist cats.

Episode 101: Snowstorm

Everybody gets to be a purrito!

Episode 100: Centennial

ONE HUNDRED EPISODES OF SCENARIO STORE NEWS?!

sign me the FUCK up good shit good sHit

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